This quote from Rumi has been on my mind.
Your hand opens and closes, and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced
and coordinated
as birds’ wings.
If I pause long enough to feel the rhythm of the ocean, I can feel it pulsing through me. My heart beating with the flow.
Like the rise and fall of my breath, I can let myself open to the experience of others. With empathy I can recognize and acknowledge their emotions. Mirror neurons allow us to sense the feelings of someone else.
Because emotions motivate behavior, the feelings leads to an urge to act. If there is pain, I want to help. I want to alleviate the suffering.
That’s compassion. Recognizing the suffering and wanting to help.
But Rumi’s right. If I stay open, I’ll get stuck, feel paralyzed. I may feel like I”m drowning in other people’s pain. That does not help anyone.
I need to close again. I need to step back, reclaim my own energy for myself.
I have to learn over and over again how to do that. How to separate and make sure I’m filling my own bucket, wearing my own oxygen mask.
And I have to remember to do that over and over. Even if I only remember when I’m already a bit overwhelmed, that’s ok. But over and over and over, opening and closing.
I’m starting 2022 with some new ideas on how to do this. Because I have a steady stream of clients, I need to practice this opening and closing over and over. I have some new strategies I’m trying, and I’ll share those in another blog post.
For now, I’d love to know what you’re doing. What strategies or techniques do you use to open and close?
An Ever Changing Life
My life has been exploding with change, and I have fallen farther and farther behind in talking about the changes. But I've been busy. And a bit scattered. For some reason, I thought that once I became a coach there would be a clear path to follow. I envisioned...
My Difficult Week
Last week, I had a tough week. Now, let me give you some background. I live with my significant other, Dennis, who goes by Dee, my adult daughter, and my two grandchildren., who are 8 and 5 years old We are fortunate to share a house with enough room for all of us...
My Walk at the Beach
A wise friend posted this quote today. I am of a mind to leave my anxious self sleeping in the summer heat, sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of my life, while I creep down the steps, my younger spirit ready to play, unburdened by the what if's and why not's,...
How Mindful Self-Compassion Can Help You Get the Dishes Done – and Much More.
What do you think – what comes to mind – when I say “mindful self-compassion?” Maybe, like me, you picture someone on a mountaintop in the lotus position, their arms wrapped around themselves, smiling, blissfully peaceful. Even though I know better, that’s what...
The Pandemic is a Trauma – and That’s Just a Place to Start
This post starts with a meme from Jennifer Yaeger, LPC- in case you can't see it, the meme says: I want to acknowledge that living through this pandemic is a trauma. As a trauma specialist, I think there are a few things that are helpful to know. - Parts of our brain...
In This Time of Uncertainty
I almost didn't write this post. I mean, here we are in the middle of a pandemic, when you might expect a pervasive mood of doom and gloom. Instead, I see people thinking positive, reaching out to help each other. People establishing their own self-care routines,...
What Do We Need Now?
At the beginning of the pandemic, I worried that people would freak out. I thought we would all need new kinds of support and special self-care. But that's not what I'm seeing. Turns out that the first principal of coaching really is true: "People are naturally...
Welcome to Fausta’s Place to Ponder
This video post is an introduction to the work I'm doing with Compassionate Professionals and the concept behind the work at Fausta's Place to Ponder. Transcript: Hi! Welcome to Fausta’s Place to Ponder. I’m Fausta Luchini, a holistic life coach, and I work...
Your Own Place to Ponder
When stress is unrelenting, you can't think. You probably know what stress feels like. Your breathing gets shallow. Your heart rate speeds up. You may feel hot. These are some of the signs that your body is ready to respond to danger. It’s the classic...
Second Hand Trauma
I first became aware of the impact of secondhand trauma back in the mid-90s. I was working as a therapist in a Community Mental Health Center and a lot of my clients were survivors of sexual abuse. So I was already learning about the effects of trauma when there was a...