Part of aging is about the option – the opportunity – or, eventually, the mandate, to let go and move on.  President Biden comes to mind these days when I think about this.  I hope that he is reveling in a sense of relief and new-found freedom, but who knows?  

I am pretty deep in the process of letting go and moving on myself.  Not dying – not today, as far as I know.  But poised in the gap between 65, theoretical retirement age, and 70, truly old age, I am re-assessing my life, re-evaluating where I am and re-defining where I want to be.  

Honestly, my retirement plan was to win the lottery – that was Plan A.  Plan B was to just keep working til I dropped.  Neither one is a great plan; I don’t recommend either of them.  As I moved deeper into the “keep working til I drop” option, the less excited I was about it.

Having decided I’m not going to work forever, I began to question my efforts to build a big private practice as a life coach.  If I’m moving into true retirement soon, why would I do that?  I thought that was my path to making a difference in the world.  Then I started listing the things I already do.  

I’m working part-time for Lyra Health, which offers mental health coaching, and I love having a steady flow of interesting and challenging clients.  I have some private coaching clients, and they are wonderful.  

 But that’s not all I do.

• • I provide trainings on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy skills and Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills periodically for therapists at a community mental health center.  That’s exciting and fun. 
  • I teach some Mindful Self Compassion classes from time to time.  It’s lovely to watch people learn how to treat themselves more kindly.
  • I lead a meditation group a few time a month on Mind Oasis Meditation Center, an online meditation program.  I also attend lots of the sessions other guides offer.  Community meditation can be nurturing and helps me stay centered.
  • My good friend, Ellen Schagene, and I were invited by our dear, long-time friend, Paulette Baraka Uwingeneye,  to provide a series of workshops about life coaching to a group of twelve counselors, teachers, and other amazing people in Africa.  That’s been a delight, and I’ve learned as much as I’ve taught.

I’m not giving up any of that.  I would probably even say yes to new clients and new opportunities. So what am I letting go of?

Marketing. I’m letting go of marketing.

I’m not trying to build a business, get new clients, or develop new concepts for coaching programs.  I started to say “not anymore,” but the truth is, I never did market my work consistently or well.  I’d get a great idea, develop a great plan – and stall, right there.

I’d scold myself for not doing more or doing it better.  I’d plan more and play with ideas, but you know, I still would not do it.  So I would have had to actually do more and do it better to make any real progress!  Instead, I became the Queen of Not-Following-Through.  

I could have chosen from a plethora of programs with different approaches that would taught me to procrastinate less. I could have gone to a therapist to figure out what’s wrong with me and try to fix it.  I could have hired a life coach to help hold me accountable.

Instead, I quit.  Often, we think that quitting means giving up, losing the dream.  We think it’s bad.  If we succeed, we win.  If we quit, we lose.

Nope.  With a huge sigh of relief, I let go of the whole thing.  No more of the “I have to build a business, I must market,” nonsense. It’s enough to enjoy the things I love to do.

That feels like a first step toward retirement, doesn’t it?  And a big step toward more of the life I want.

It’s Summer Solstice once again, the longest day and shortest night, marking the start of our gradual journey toward shorter days and longer nights.

I picture it like a swing. As a child, I loved to swing. Back then, our swings were so high that today’s parents would be appalled at the thought of their children on such life-threatening equipment. They were so high that my dad could push me and then literally run under the swing, sending me soaring into the sky. From there, I was on my own, pumping my legs as hard as I could to make the swing go faster and higher.

Swinging, there’s that glorious moment when you reach the peak of the swing and, with legs fully extended, just for a second, there’s a pause. You hang suspended for that moment before the energy shifts and you’re flying backward, legs drawn back. And again, as you reach the pinnacle of the backward movement, there’s another pause, that glorious moment of hesitation before the swing rushes forward again, taking your breath away.

This reminds me of mindfulness and The Pause. Breathing in… and breathing out… At the bottom of the exhale is The Pause, a moment to connect with yourself, touching your own deep wisdom and the wisdom of the universe.

My life has been exploding with change, and I have fallen farther and farther behind in talking about the changes.  But I’ve been busy.  And a bit scattered.

For some reason, I thought that once I became a coach there would be a clear path to follow.  I envisioned defining my niche, identifying my ideal client, creating funnels and following marketing plans.  It was a pretty straight path to success.  An uphill path, sure, but one that just required staying on track to reach the goal. 

Of course, I didn’t count on the pandemic.  I didn’t count on the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, and Breonna Taylor, or the protests, particularly in Louisville, where I could watch unlimited hours of live-stream.  I didn’t count on grandkids home from school ALL the time.  And I would like to blame my fallling off the beaten path on all those things.

It has felt like a long journey this time.  As if making a life transition were a big deal. An odyssey of sorts, requiring patience, energy and lots of perseverance.  I kept plugging along, you know, wandering in the woods, over hills and through creeks and such, with an occasional walk on the beach.

I felt like I’d been wandering forever.

Not that I wasn’t having a good time – at least some of the time.  I was.  I met amazing people, forged friendships, and worked with terrific clients.

I learned soooo much.  Lots of informal, along-the-way learning, of course, but also formal learning, the kind that comes with certificates.   I hardly ever turn down an opportunity to gain skills or learn new approaches and the last few months have been packed with opportunity.

I’ll have more to say about what I learned in future posts, but I want to share a glance at the headlines of what I’ve been doing.  I’ve posted videos at the end of this post that will give you a bit more information, but here’s a quick look.

• Mindful Self Compassion  I needed more of it, so I decided I should teach it.  I just finished a 12 week course and am well on my way to officially being a trained teacher.  In the meantime, I’m working on practicing what I’m going to teach!  (Video of Kristen Neff on the components of mindful self-compassion.)
• Conscious Business Coaching with BetterUp.  I’ve been coaching BetterUp members for quite a while, but in this 8 week course, I learned things I didn’t even know I needed to know.  I have some skills and expertise that will benefit my coachees more than they’ll ever know.  (Video of Fred Kofman, originator of Conscious Business Coaching.)
• Cognitive Behavioral Coaching  I became an emotional wellness coach for Lyra and part of the onboarding process includes weekly assignments on their unique coaching process.  If you’ve known me a long time, you might think, “But, Fausta, you did cognitive behavioral therapy for years!”  Yes.  But Lyra brings some of those techniques into a coaching model that I love.  (Video of Lyra Health coach Lindsay Leopold on what mental health coaching is, what it’s not, and how it can help you thrive.)

I was doing all three of those courses in October.  With over 20 hours of  classroom time and assignments some weeks, I felt like a full-time student.  I loved it.

And I was super busy.

But I finished Mindful Self Compassion at the end of October.  I got my certificate for the work in Cognitive Behavioral Coaching with Lyra in mid-November, and Conscious Business Coaching ended yesterday.

Yesterday, I looked around my life and realized that I felt good.  My life has the flow I’ve been missing, the flow that I’ve been striving to find.

There’s a picture I often use as my cover photo.  You may have seen it. It’s one I took on Zicatela Beach in Puerto Escondido, Mexico, which is where my daughter used to live.  The waves there are wild.  Surfer waves, much higher than I could swim in.  But there’s a rock. In my mind, that rock is “Fausta’s Place to Ponder.”  It sits just beyond the water, not so far removed that I can’t see the waves, feel them crashing all around me.  I see myself in that space of my own, perched securely right in the middle of it.

Suddenly, I feel like I am where I belong, doing what I need to be doing.